![]() The “you approach the hill/tree” encounter has four paragraphs. Long and full of both repetitive elements and overly descriptive mechanics. I’m NOT a fan of that style of read-aloud, the kind of assumed action dialog. Worse, it’s written in a first person style, so there’s a lot of “you push through the roots” and “you see a “ text. ![]() Our WOTC friends published that famous article noting that no one pays attention after three sentences, and yet we get long sections that take up almost an entire column. It serves no purpose other than to clog up the text. Which means that the entire sentence quoted is also redundant. To be fair, the text does then describe what we see. Instead we should be SHOWING the players and, hopefully, we do it in such a manner that they say to themselves “Man, what a ghastly sight! I’m freaked out!” So, sin one, we’re told what to think instead of being shown something for us to draw our own conclusions. This is TELLING the players to be afraid. The read-aloud at one point, in the middle of a paragraph of it, tells us “Centered in the glade is a ghastly sight.” This sentence is a conclusion. This comes from several different sins, almost all a form of padding. And because of that you have to fight the text to get to the creepiness and then its watered down through the effort to uncover it. But the impact is lost because the vision is hidden behind a writing style that is … unfocused? unedited? Conversational? Not to the point. Muddy ground, a tangle of roots at your feet and/or hanging down in your face when you get underground. There’s the big old creepy tree on the hill. The adventure tries to bring the horror in other elements. It’s not full of mechanics or overly wordy, it’s just pure refined theme. It works well because the text of the hook is short. You stumble across a deserted camp, it’s overcast and about to storm, and then you hear a scream in the distance. Most of the hooks are generic throw-away “sent on a mission” or “please help us” nonsense, but the first has a nice little horror theme. ![]() This was to be a horror adventure, or, at a minimum, a creepy horror elemnt adventure. An edit, Usul, the likes that even god has never seen, as well as a shift from CONTROL to GUIDANCE for the DM would help make the horror elements stand out more. It lacks a motivating element and uses a conversation writing style that is heavy on mechanics. ![]() This is a 22 page adventure that has six pages describing a small nine room complex under an evil tree. The druid sat for a moments rest to eat a piece of the fruit, and fell asleep under the shade of its cool leafy canopy. In it’s centre a solitary majestic tree topping a lush grassy mound, bearing irresistibly ripe fruit. Deep in the wilderness, and only a few short hours travel from a remote human settlement a passing druid tending to the forestry came upon a beautiful glade. ![]()
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